But I also feel liberated and excited. This is a time of discovery for me. I have the opportunity to pursue my music and my studies because I want to, not because I have to. I can sit at my piano and play for the shear enjoyment, not just practice and prepare for a service. I can attend my voice lessons and truly discover the pleasure of singing, not just fulfill the vocal requirement for my M.A.C.M. degree.
I feel guilty because I am no longer actively serving the Lord. Will God look unfavorably upon me because of this? I discussed this with a spiritual director (http://www.spiritualitynetwork.org/index.html) who reminded me of the Sabbatical Year. Just as God commands us to "remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy" (Exodus 20:8), the Bible also instructs us on the Sabbatical / Jubilee year. This refers to every 7th year in which the land is to be allowed to rest "so that the poor of your people may eat; and what they leave the wild animals may eat". (Exodus 23:10-11) In addition, "every creditor shall release what he has lent to his neighbor". (Deuteronomy 15:2)
When we observe the Sabbath, we come before God to draw close and to worship. During my Sabbatical, I have been released from my creditor, the church. I now have the opportunity to draw closer to God in ways that I never imagined, to discover my spirituality, and to worship in new and extraordinary ways. So even though my "land" is lying fallow, this is the opportunity for the "poor" to eat. As I take this time to pray, to study, and to worship, I can only make myself stronger in the Lord's way . Thus I can become a much better servant in order to better minister to others in spiritual need. For if my spirit is not renewed, I can I expect to minister to others?
I am on a new and wonderful journey, anxiously looking forward to that which lies ahead of me.
